Paul Read News

It is amazing that sixty no longer feels like the age where one puts ones toe in the ‘elderly’ or ’senior’ pool. My late father-in-law, the brilliant and wonderful Judge W.E.C. Colter used to refer to me as a “junior senior” as I eased into my late 50s. That really made me laugh. Anyway, here I am today celebrating having made it through red zone number one (men at risk of heart attacks from their mid 40s to mid 50s) and into my seventh decade. Definitely a day to look in the rear view mirror and also to adjust my seat and clean the windshield so I have a good perspective with respect to the next 3 or 4 decades!!

My thanks to great friends and colleagues who have sent emails of support and best wishes. Phil N, Dave (C), Dave in NYC, David B., Barry T., Judy, Alan and so many others. It is a real boost to get such notes, considering my current health.

Health? In a nutshell: I’m off work, my driver’s license has been yanked by the Ministry of Transportation as a result of a medical report, I’m 60. I can’t think straight. I believe I am over medicated and am struggling with prescribing doctors over this one. The patient should win such arguments, shouldn’t they?

BUT…

I continue to improve, although very slowly (too slowly for me) and not in a straight line. It is very much a three steps forward and two steps back situation. So I am thankful for the progress.

And I am thankful for the patience and love I feel from my family and friends. It is humbling and uplifting. My wife, Trish has been INCREDIBLE. She has her own stresses to deal with, but has stayed so positive and supportive (and upbeat) through the ordeal.

I am really feeling progress today – nice to have such positive feelings and energy on this day of days. I can actually type without my hands shaking, and use the mouse without unintentionally double clicking on every move. I am doing a very small project in Finale today and while it feels very weird to do so, I am encouraged by the progress. It shouldn’t be too long before I’m back to the point where I can write.

Okay this is a real MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME blog today. I’ll close.

Will write again soon.

Paul

Hi everyone,

Thanks for checking the blog. Since Jan 19, my journey has taken a different direction and until just recently it has been difficult to do anything but the most simple things. And even things like writing and thinking and ‘mousing’ have required a great deal of concentration and energy. My muscles have had a mind of their own and tremours, speech hesitations, and resulting fatigue and frustration have made me put my life on hold. Thanks to the many friends who have written or delivered messages of encouragement, and the incredible patience of the stouthearted Trish Colter, my exceedingly better half……

…..things are improving – but not as quickly as I would like. I’ve gone through a pretty rough patch recently (not quite over) involving the discontinuation of one medication I have been ‘using’ for a little more than two years. My nervous system is pretty messed up, but as I said I sense improvement over the past two weeks. Neither the physicians nor I could have predicted my reaction (everyone reacts in a unique way) and while it was scary and enormously uncomfortable, I am convinced the worst is over. We are trying to break through a system log jam to see a neuropsychiatrist (they deal with cognition issues and related areas) at Sunnybrook. Can’t seem to get past the voicemail as of yet, but we persevere. The referral was done in November!!!! Argh.

I can anticipate a return to being able to write as days go by, and I am really looking forward to gaining the energy and coordination and control that I once had.

Inside me is a well person wanting to get out. I can feel it and optimistic feelings, absent for so many weeks, are emerging.

What caused the severity of things in recent weeks was the discontinuation of a drug, Clonazepam. I had been taking it for months and months (maximum dosage) to control “essential tremors” (you can google that if you like). I really didn’t think the drug was doing much, so with the help of my GP, I ramped down and then stopped taking it. The side effects of discontinuation were awful (fatigue, disorientation, nausea, vomiting, exaggerated jitters, confusion, speech difficulties, reduced motor skill control (walking was really difficult). My whole nervous system, used to receiving the ‘benefits’ or calming effects of the drug, decided to over-react to the discontinuation. Sort of like a bird might react once released from a cage. Fortunately now I sense more control returning each day. My heart still pounds as if I was about to enter a fearful situation, but I am trying to control this with breathing exercises and meditation.

I’m hopeful that I will be able to start practicing again soon. Also completing a writing project or two would be tremendous. Shouldn’t be too long now.

Thanks for dropping by.

P