Paul Read News

Greetings to everyone (both of you) who read my blog. Actually I continually surprised by the number of people who write emails to say they have been keeping up to date on my progress through this blog. Go figure.

Normally a musician’s blog will be full of neat stuff about upcoming gigs, great new recordings, where to buy the best reed clipper, how to get gigs, how to get a Democrat into the American White House and so on. This blog has, for many many months veered into the personal realm of tracking the progress of a musician’s journey through late career mental illness. I have done this mostly as an extension of my personal journalling (an important exercise for me) as this is highly therapeutic. I also suspect that my experiences might connect with one or two other artists out there who have had similar issues.

Some good news. It appears that a final diagnosis is confirmed (three connected mental health disorders and one physiological issue). I suffer from:

1. depression (first reported on the blog in 2005, I think) which has been eased somewhat through therapy and medication. I would call the depression aspects as mild, although somedays it grabs hold like a starving dog.

2. severe anxiety – this is worsening, but we are working on it. Therapy, strategic ‘exercises’, meditation, and many other approaches along with medication, are having minimal, but I think positive results to date. Nevertheless, this one is much less under control than the depression aspect.

3. Conversion disorder (Motor subtype): Well, if you are going to get something, why not venture off the beaten path and explore something relatively rare. If you haven’t heard of it, the fast explanation is that emotions are erroneously interpreted in the brain and the results are physical manifestations. Stuttering, of control movements of trunk and limbs, tremours.

4. The non-psychiatric issue is hypertension (high blood pressure) which has been an issue throughout all of this. I am receiving medication for it. But readings remain high.

So that is the update on the diagnosis. I just spent one month plus one day in the psychiatric ward at Sunnybrook Hospital (ironically an institution which is exactly as old as I am – 60). My doctors, the occupational therapists, nurses, recreational therapists and all professionals were first rate and moved my recovery forward substantially.

I am not yet able to play or write without a tremendous amount of difficulty (most of it is a kind of psychic pain) and only recently have I been able to listen to SOME music without extreme effort. Its so ironic that the very art form that has been a part of my soul and essence for my entire life, is the one I fear the most. (Go ahead, make your own conclusions, I have mine).

But during my hospital stay one really great afternoon, I discovered to joy of painting in acrylics on canvas. No self-judgement, no self assessment, just a free flow of ideas and, using my parallel composer skills, a bit of continuity and balance. But nothing more. The good news: painting was fun. No bad news.

That’s it for today.

Thanks to all who have written and sent messages of support. When I get through this, I will have many to thank for helping me along the way.

Love
Paul

This evening the first ever “Project Jazz” sponsored and run by JazzFM91 will culminate with performances by the 5 finalists. An article in today’s Toronto Star by Geoff Chapman spells out the detail. Three of the five are students or are about to be students in the University of Toronto Jazz program: Mike McClennan (bassist and composer) who is going into the 2nd year of the Masters degree, Mike Ruby (saxophonist) entering 2nd year in our undergraduate jazz program and the third is vocalist Sienna Dahlen who will enter our graduate program in jazz in the fall. Click here to go to the article on line.TheStar.com – Five in jazz showdown

If you’d like to know more about the Port Hope Jazz Festival where my new big band, PRO will be performing on Sunday, September 24, 2006, please visit their excellent website.

This ALL-CANADIAN festival is unique in concept and has established itself as a major festival in just a few short years.

Here is the link: Peforming Jazz Artists – All-Canadian Jazz Festival Port Hope, Ontario, Canada – Port Hope jazz festival

Well the new big band (PRO) is in dry dock and getting some finishing coats of paint, a little spit and polish and new music is being pulled together for our maiden voyage on June 19. That’s a Monday night and we are at the REX Jazz and Blues Bar in Toronto (194 Queen Street West). The fun starts at 9:30 and hopefully you will be able to come by. If not, I’ll write down all the notes we play and post them here later for your amusement. I’ve got some originals and arrangements, but we’ll also be playing some music by band members, Terry Promane, Andrew Jones and Andy Ballantyne. Trish Colter (that’d be my wife you know) will be singing a couple of well chosen words and phrases. It should be a good time.

On the personal side, I’ve DONE IT AGAIN and wound up spending 6 days in the local horse pistol dealing with gall bladder problems. But no more….am scheduled to have the little rascal exorcised on June 5. Seems like one of those organs we don’t really need and can be quite a nuisance. Mine has certainly been that. So good news from many fronts. Improving health and musical prospects.

Thanks for dropping by.

OH…..

I am going to send out a notice about the REX to a mail list I have created. You are invited to join the mailing list on your own (instructions are over there on the right hand side), but I am taking the liberty of adding some on my own. If yours appears and you want to unsubscribe, that’s cool and it is very easy to do. Again just go to the subscribe page and it should be easily explained.

Happy Birthday, Queen Victoria…..only in Canada do we celebrate the birthday of a British monarch. But hey….it’s a holiday and we set off fireworks….bing bang pop she bam.

Just back from 5 days out in the Canadian Rockies at the Canadian Rocky Mountain festival, a fantastic event run by Willie Connell, his family, his loyal team of volunteers and hosts of others. Had a great time hanging with Gordon Foote as always and new buddy, Jim Rupp. Jim, from Ohio, is a veteran of the Woody Herman band and Maynard Ferguson among many others. Heard lots of very good students and also a concert by the show biz focused Gordon Goodwin Big Phat Band. I have to say the technique is incredible, the writing spirited and at times quite exciting, but there is a certain schtick going on and the band seems to favour pleasing the crowd over musical concerns. This is of course, in my not so humble opinion. A full set of the band leaves one breathless and screaming for a ballad or a little subltety. Still, you have to admire the success of the band and their appeal to younger musicians (particularly teeenagers) is inmistakably strong. The Eric Marienthal focused festure on “Play that Funky Music” might sum up the evening nicely.

All for now. Have lots to do since I’ve been away. Thanks for checking in.

Paul